Sunday, March 14, 2010

Poetry Train Monday - 143 - American sentence 4


I've been working on two stories this weekend, my vampire story and my convict gardener story. Since one of the supporting characters has been on my mind a lot, here is an American sentence from his point of view.

Mr. Bent is a settler on Van Diemen's Land in the mid-1840's. When he hears that Robbie once worked as a gardener at an English country house, he takes Robbie off the road party to work as a convict laborer on his farm.

I always cast my characters, and Bent is based on English actor Ray Winstone.












Neck cloth soaks with sweat, but hides the scar from the iron one I once wore.



















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Ms. Snarky Pants says Sounds interesting!

Apprentice Writer says The close-up of the neck chain is very stark. Makes me think of the road crews in 'O Brother Where Art Thou' and what a horrendous life it was to be part of.

Yousei Hime says I agree that the sentence communicates more than just facts. It says something of the man. Thanks for sharing your sentence and a bit of the story behind it.

11 comments:

Ms Snarky Pants said...

Sounds interesting!

M. said...

the close-up of the neck chain is very stark. makes me think of the road crews in 'o brother where art thou' and what a horrendous life it was to be part of

Stan Ski said...

The image that comes from reading the sentence is a very powerful one.

Andy Sewina said...

Phew, the iron 'neck cloth' is quite a horrendous thing. I like the way you reported this!

Janet said...

Nicely done, Julia - you pack a lot of imagery in that one small sentence. And the underlying emotion simmers, making the reader wonder at how deep that scar really goes!

Yousei Hime said...

I agree that the sentence communicates more than just facts. It says something of the man. Love the Celtic dragon shield. Thanks for sharing your sentence and a bit of the story behind it.

Jamie said...

Now I'm stuck with U2's Edge singing Van Diemans Land. The picture truly adds another dimension to the sentence.

Debby said...

Fabulous writing, sounds so very interesting.
Debby

Joanna D'Angelo said...

I like it - I hope you'll share the story with us when you're done. Good luck! ;)

Dee Martin said...

okay, I'm intrigued too :)

Travis said...

Intriguing sentence this week.