Thursday Thirteen - 283 - 13 Ways to Remember My Grandmother

1 - Last Thursday my sister and I boarded a plane to fly to Michigan. Although my sister and her husband had just been in Michigan only a few weeks before, she was headed back again. Her strong urge to schedule their vacation for May and to drive there to see our 90-year-old grandmother Viola gave them a last chance to see each other before Grandma's life came to an unexpected close.

2 - This is the quilted runner that my sister made for Grandma, using her favorite color -- purple. Grandma was a talented quilter. The purple quilt which she made for my wedding is one of my most prized possessions.

Grandma had not been ill, merely elderly. No one was expecting her to pass away, although my sister's urge to get to Michigan was, in hindsight, an important one.

3 - This is a shot of the wedding quilt Grandma made for me. It wasn't a stored-away kind of quilt. We used it every day. This was taken when I lived in Toronto in the late 90s, and shows my husband Brad with our little cousin Emily.

4 - This was taken at a Phillips family dinner in Michigan, where I lived until I was six. I'm the older sister in blue. Grandma was the originator of what is now known as Phillips rice, my most favorite food in all the world. It was served at every Phillips dinner, and is now made by all of the  granddaughters -- even by me, the non-cook.

It's fairly simple: just cook the rice in chicken or turkey broth instead of plain water, with a bit of butter if needed, and a few blobs of ketchup, and a bit of black pepper. Mmm, mmm, mmm. Grandma got this recipe from an old Armenian neighbor of theirs.

5 - I believe this was a Thanksgiving dinner, 1970-ish, at Grandma and Grandpa Phillips'. Pictured from left: my Grandma Doucet (my mom's mother), a family friend whose name escapes me, my Aunt Suzie (Dad's sister) and Uncle Raymond, Grandma Phillips, Grandpa Phillips, Aunt Denise and Uncle Maurice (Dad's brother), Aunt Loretta (Dad's sister), little me, my dad, little Michelle (my sister) and my mom. My Grandpa Doucet (Mom's father) was a photographer and likely took this picture. He definitely took the black-and-white portrait at the top of the blog.

  

6 - Cheers! My grandparents came from Quebec to Michigan in the 50s for work, and like immigrants everywhere, all of the French Canadians found one another in their new anglophone American life. That's how my two families -- my dad's side and my mom's side -- came to be friends with one another before my parents even began dating.

7 - Here's a great shot of two sweethearts in Canada, 1942. Gaby and Vi, starting a life together.

8 - Did I mention that my silliness factor always rates in the higher percentile? Quite obviously, inherited.

9 - Here my dad is sneaking up on us in my grandparents' backyard. Silly.

10 - Uh oh...still silly.

11 - This was a Christmas celebration with the Phillips' after many years celebrating with the Doucet side in Nova Scotia, Canada. My parents had moved back to Michigan for a year in the late 80s. I've got my back to the camera as we sang carols together.

12 - These are the flowers we brought to the church, celebrating her life and saying farewell at her funeral mass last Saturday.

Six years ago, only a month after I began my blog -- the imminent passing of my dad encouraged me to put waiting aside and seize the day -- Grandma Phillips, my Aunt Loretta and my cousins Shelly and Jenny hopped in Shelly's van and raced out here to spend my dad's last days together. Grandma, my step-mom Doris, my Aunt Loretta, my sister and I were all present when my dad passed away. I'll always remember how my grandma laid her hand on dad and said, "I was with you on your first day, and now I'm with you on your last." Then she led us all in a recitation of the Hail Mary.

13 - My sister somehow knew Grandma's time on this earth was winding down. She got to Gram only hours before she had a massive stroke and began her passing away.

It was a bittersweet joy to reunite with my aunt and my cousins for my grandma's funeral. My thanks go out to them for their trip here six years ago.

Pictured from left, back row: my late Uncle Maurice's daughters Jamie and Christa (with recently-wed Casey in Oklahoma) / Aunt Loretta's daughters Jenny and Shelly

Front row, L to R: oldest sibling Norman's daughters, myself and Michelle / the last member of her immediate family, my Aunt Loretta, and her daughter Tammy 

5 on Friday - Set 175

Travis at Trav's Thoughts invites everyone to lay down a short set of music that takes their fancies for his 5 on Friday meme.

As you read this, I'll be in Michigan to attend my grandmother's funeral.

Obituary for Viola Phillips

She was my last remaining grandparent. For someone nearing 50, it's not very common to have living grandparents. I've been very blessed with two grandmothers who lived into their early 90s.

As we celebrate my grandmother's life and enjoy the family reunion that always coincides with the sadness of saying goodbye, here are five tunes inspired by this week's farewell.

1 - St. Anne's Reel - Don Messer

My grandpa (Viola's husband) was a fiddle player who kept many a house party jumping. This was one of their favorite tunes.

2 - Linger Awhile - Paul Whiteman and His Orchestra

This tune debuted the same year my grandmother did--in 1923.

3 - Perfidia - Xavier Cugat and his Waldorf Astoria Orchestra

This recording charted in 1941, the year my grandma became a mother with her first-born--my dad Norman.

4 - When You're Hot, You're Hot - Jerry Reed

My family moved from Michigan to Nova Scotia on Canada's east coast in 1971, when this song was a chart-topper. There was a big surprise going-away party for us, held at Grandma and Grandpa Phillips' house, with a barbeque in their big backyard. I remember one of the men singing this song at one point.

5 - Suddenly I See - KT Tunstall

This song charted in 2007, the year my grandma hopped in a van with my aunt and my cousins to drive here from Michigan to Nova Scotia to be with her son, my dad, in his final days.

Summer Stock Sunday - 36

Robin's Summer Stock Sunday meme continues - she invites all to post summery photos and visit other bloggers who share their feelings and memories about this magical season.

After a few weeks off of posting to this meme while I was away in New York City, I'm continuing with my vintage look at summer.













This shot was taken in the late 1960s on Centre Island in Toronto, Ontario.

My late father-in-law was a member of the International Union of Painters and Allied Trades, and every summer my husband and his brothers and sister would enjoy the union family day out at Center Island, an easily-accessible oasis of small-town vibe a ferry ride away from the downtown core of Toronto.

For the thirteen years I lived there, I always cherished every day trip out to Centre Island. It runs the gamut from an amusement park area to a serene wildness area, gorgeous beaches and a fairy-tale cottage village where residents have the best of both worlds - a lake view, a cityscape view, only foot traffic, century-ago peace-and-quiet, with all the amenities of a metropolis at one's fingertips.

Shown in the picture, L to R:

My sister-in-law Karen, brother-in-law Ken, peeking out behind is my husband Brad, brother-in-law Jeff, mother-in-law Joan and Brad's late Grandma Smith (otherwise known as Esther.)

Poetry Train Monday - 176 - Excerpt from In Childhood

Today my grandmother is on my mind, as it would have been her birthday today, Nov. 1st. She was the beginning of the November birthdays, which for my family and friends is jam-packed:

the 2nd, 7th, 11th (twice), 16th, 18th, 20th, 23rd and 25th all belong to someone I love and celebrate.

The 1st still belongs to Gram, though I can't tell her Happy Birthday with a kiss. I'll just wish it to her in my heart.














From In Childhood


the blue parakeet does not return
from the little grave in the fern garden
though one may wake in the morning
thinking mother's call is the bird.
Or maybe the bird is with grandmother
inside light. Or grandmother was the bird
and is now the dog
gnawing on the chair leg.
Where do the gone things go
when the child is old enough
to walk herself to school,
her playmates already
pumping so high the swing hiccups?

- Kimiko Hahn

For more poetry, Ride the Poetry Train!

Summer Stock Sunday - 21

A vintage look at summer for Summer Stock Sunday, hosted by Robin at Around the Island.














This photo was taken by my husband's Auntie Pat, who was a passionate photographer. Luckily for my husband's family, she took loads and loads of shots of the kids as they were growing up. She had her own dark room and a proper camera - but she was also known to use Kodak Instamatics.

Here she grabbed a shot as everyone headed towards an afternoon at the museum in Toronto. In the foreground, oldest boys Ken and Jeff lead the way. My father-in-law David chats with his aunt (I think it may be the same auntie who stood next to him and his mom in the 1930's Niagara Falls picture) as my husband Brad - the excited little guy - rushes to catch up. Obscured by David is my mother-in-law Joan, and probably my sister-in-law Karen, walking next to Grandma Smith.

I love the energy in this shot, the anticipation of heading towards something fun. And Auntie Pat's sense of composition and line turns this shot into something more than just a snapshot, as most of her photography did.

Robin says I love that she captured real moments, not just posed portraits. She must have been quite ahead of her time :)

Dianne says I'm pretty much the family photographer, I hope my photos are appreciated as much as you appreciate these :)

Louise says I can't even begin to tell you how fascinated I am with old snapshots. I get such a kick out of seeing how people dressed back then, how the cars looked, the ads, everything! This snapshot is so great!

Summer Stock Sunday - 19

Just in time for Father's Day - a vintage look at summer for Summer Stock Sunday, hosted by Robin at Around the Island.


















This is a picture of my grandmother, Juliette with her father, Eugene, taken about 1938.

Juliette was one of ten children, so a moment with her father all to herself must have been a moment to savour. As well, this was taken during the same summer that she married my grandfather, so this photograph is an interesting one.

First of all, my great-grandfather had spent much of Gram's young life chasing work all over Canada. There was no such thing as Employment Insurance back then, so men went where they could get a job, and sent back money for the family.

The fact that he's on a motorcycle ready to head down the road, with Gram's arm tucked into his for the moment, is an eloquent symbol of their time together.

Hanging onto her family ties while ready to start a family of her own is a common summer rite of passage for women the world over. The likelihood that her future husband - my grandfather - took this picture, places another layer of meaning onto the shot. She gazes at the camera with sureness, while her father feels free to look down the road, since his son-in-law-to-be is taking care of the photgraphy.

Happy Father's Day to all you dads out there! You can visit Robin for more summertime photos at Around the Island.

Robin says LOVE the goggles :)

Ms Snarky Pants says I agree about the goggles too. Everything about that picture screams steam punk! :-D

Anna Matthews says Such a great family photo, such a great photo period. And thank you for sharing the story behind it.

Writing Full Time

Life has been all over the place lately.

Before I went on my trip to Toronto in October, I interviewed for the scanning position I'd held for the past six months. It was a casual position, but my manager really liked my job performance and how well I fit in with everyone. So he opened the job up to a permanent position, which I then had to apply for, because with government jobs here in Nova Scotia he can't simply hire whomever he wants. Seventy-seven people applied for my job, and six people interviewed. A few days before my trip, I had my interview, which went well. But when Brad and I boarded the plane for Toronto, that was my last day at work.

So I had a wonderful trip to Toronto, saw a whole bunch of family and friends that I miss and spent precious time with his dad who is being treated for liver cancer. All the while not knowing if I had a job to come home to.


Got back, kept working on my novel and celebrated my gram's 93rd birthday. On Brad's birthday - the 7th - we went to a special mass for all those from the St. Agnes parish who'd had funerals there in the past year. My dad passed away this March, so Brad and I joined my step mom Doris, my sister Michelle, my step sister Rhonda, and Judy, close friend of my dad's & Doris in a very beautiful ceremony. Doris, Michelle and I went up together to light a candle for Dad when his name was called.

When Brad and I got back from the mass, Mom and I decided that Gram needed to see a doctor. She'd been losing power for that whole week, her legs just giving out so that whoever was shadowing her had to suddenly support Gram's whole weight. Earlier that day I'd had to call for Brad to help me, cause Gram just couldn't make it to her chair in the living room.

An ambulance came and Mom and I spent a late night in emergency until they had Gram all settled for the night. The next few days, Mom and I stayed with Gram in emergency until a bed opened up for her in the regular part of the hospital. At that point, we had to cut our visiting time down because the regular floors have set times for that. By my birthday on the 11th, we needed a break, so my aunt & uncle, and my sister and her boyfriend saw Gram that day. Brad, Mom and I went out for lunch and celebrated my day and then rested.

At that point I'd received the call from my manager about the job, but with very disappointing news. Human Resources gave him another person, even though he asked for me, especially since it was so close. This other person scored 2.5 points higher than me on the interview, so HR insisted she get it. He was so upset!

I was REALLY upset by that news. I've been working at non-benefits jobs for a very long time. With Brad only able to work part time due to his bipolar condition, my quest for a fulltime job with benefits had been so tantalizingly close. I was on pins and needles since that interview on Oct. 10th. The difference it would make for Brad and me is impossible to explain.

So when I heard that it was all back to the drawing board, I have to tell you I really felt low.

I'm waiting on my employment insurance, and Brad is still working, of course. But here I am with an opportunity to write fulltime for awhile, and I'm doing my best to look on the bright side of this whole situation.


For one thing, it's good timing that I'm available to help out with Gram right now. Mom and I spell each other off for visiting. Today is Mom's birthday so I'm taking both visiting shifts, afternoon and evening.

And because of my extreme allergies, I've always battled the effects that a fulltime job gives me due to long workhour exposures to the chemicals present in every office, especially toner, which just kills me. Both Mom and I have noticed how much better I am this past month that I haven't been working.

And Mom and I talked about this opportunity to write fulltime. I know for me the ability to be a fulltime writer has never existed because I need to be the main wage earner. But now it seems that I'm being given a gift, almost.

When one door closes, another one opens.

'The Gay Divorcee'

Brad and I found a special surprise for Gram while we were in Toronto. We brought her back the DVD of 'The Gay Divorcee', which she got yesterday for her birthday.







Gram loved dancing when she was more mobile, and is regularly glued to the TV when 'Dancing With the Stars' comes on. So I kept my eye out for a dancing DVD while we were in the Land Of Whatever One's Heart Desires (Toronto). No laughing from the peanut gallery!

1934's 'The Gay Divorcee' fit the bill splendidly. Here's a review from IMDB:

"Fred and Ginger, two perfect partners, two of the best dancers in history. In 1933 the pair had proven themselves as second leads in "Flying Down to Rio", stealing the show with "The Carioca". Ginger had "42nd Street" to her name, while Fred had the famous screen test analysis of 'Can't sing. Can't act. Can dance a little.'

'The Gay Divorcee' is the establishing musical of Astaire and Rogers. A top wealth of talent was assembled for the movie, with Erik Rhodes absolutely side splitting as the Italian hired correspondent Tonetti, wielding the fabulous line, "Your wife is safe with Tonetti, he prefers spaghetti!". Alice Brady plays Rogers' Aunt Hortense, but Edward Everett Horton is another stand out performer as the lawyer. He was definitely one of the best supporting comedians of the 1930s and 40s, in other Astaire and Rogers musicals, and movies like "Lost Horizon", "Holiday", "Here Comes Mr Jordan" and "Arsenic and Old Lace". (Julia's note: you'll recognize his voice as the Narrator of Fractured Fairytales from 'Rocky and Bullwinkle')

"Only one song was retained for the filmed version of Broadway's 'The Gay Divorce'. Astaire performs a great rendition of the immortal Cole Porter song 'Night and Day' (Julia's note: one of my favorite songs EVER). 'The Continental', the Best Song of 1934 is thrown into the mix, too. The stylish period of courtship, set decoration and costumes evoke great memories of eras gone by." - by 'Minty-5' from Sydney, Australia


We absolutely loved the movie. Full of repartee and innuendo, and once the dancing got started - SWOON.

View trailer

Treasure The Journey

Friday night when I got all my stuff done, I finally collapsed onto Mom's couch to sit with Gram for a bit before she went to bed. I looked over at the little endtable and picked up the book sitting there. Don't Sweat The Small Stuff For Women by Kristine Carlson, which Mom had picked up a few weeks ago when she went with my husband and me to the annual library book sale. I flipped to the back - of course. The last section is titled "Treasure the Journey."

I thought about Mom on her mad spree to feel as much like her old self as she can this weekend. That was how I felt last November when I spent a week in Toronto, saw my old friends, went to the ballet and had a chance to just be me.

My Mom is a person who prefers spontaneity, so having to build her days around her elderly mother has been very wearying to her spirit. In the six years that we've all joined our households together, I've shown Mom how making advance plans to get time away can prevent her from burn-outs and meltdowns. She's been resistant to that idea, mainly because she finds plans restrictive, even if they're plans for her own freedom. She'd rather get an urge to do something and go off and do it. That would be true freedom for her.

But I take regular time for myself. I have done this consistently in all of my caregiving. With my husband's bipolar disorder, taking time for myself is of paramount importance, for both myself and my ability to be there for him. Over the years, Mom has started to do the unthinkable. Plan! Last year she went on a two week vacation to Newfoundland with her two friends (the ones she's with now). Just making the arrangements for the trip made the first half of the year feel lighter.

So as I looked through the passage in the book, I paused over these lines:

"Before your mind skips to the fact that today your life might not be what you had expected or hoped for, take the time to repeat these words to yourself: Today, I will treasure the journey."

I think my mom has begun to refocus her attention to that journey. I got a real sense when she decided to take this weekend off, that she was not so much fleeing her day-to-day rut as she was embracing a chance to connect with everything she cherishes that she also misses. I feel really proud of her. It's still hard for some women to say straight out, "I need this." My mom is unconsciously waiting for someone to sweep her away for that Calgon moment.

But I don't wait. I take the time I need. I tell her, "I'm going on my writer's retreat," and she writes it on her calendar. We've got into the habit of going over our schedules so we don't get double-booked, making sure we've got grandma coverage and our own stuff taken care of. And over time, Mom has begun to schedule herself on the calendar.

One small step for Mom. One giant leap for womankind.

Meanwhile, tonight as I helped Gram into bed she said, "I'll do like today," thinking about tomorrow morning. Talk about planning! "I'll sleep as long as I want."

"If it gets too late," I said, "I'll come and get you."

"Unless I'm gone," she said with the most hilarious smirk.

"Well, if you are," I said, "I'll make sure and wake you up, then."

"Ha! - Me Moving Like a Turtle"

My mom headed for Yarmouth this afternoon to spend the long weekend with her friends. So I'm on Grandma duty. The relief pitcher heads up to the mound.

I came home from work and went over to Gram in her rocking chair, like I always do, but this time there was a big lipstick kiss mark on Gram's cheek. When I kissed her, she said, "Don't lose my kiss. I'm going to keep it there till she gets back."

I'd joked yesterday that we should have a party. So as I took my sweater off and set down my purse, I said, "Okay, let's start!" But we agreed we'd have a quiet night to start off the weekend, and the only revelry was my dog Xena's. She got the okay to come up to the main level while Mom's away, and for Xena it was like roaming through a three-level shopping mall. Loads of new smells! Lots of different nooks and crannies! A mesmerizing new person to look at!

Gram used to be too nervous around dogs for me to have Xena come up. But my dog is very mellow. Gram likes her, now. She said, "I know why you say you love him (she thinks all dogs are 'him'), when I look at his face. Look at him, looking at me!"

Later on, after Gram's eyedrops were put in and I'd given her all her puffers, when she'd got herself ready in her nightgown, I helped her swing her feet up into the bed and settled her covers over her. She looked at me with a cute smile.

She said, "Good thing we didn't have our party, eh? Ha! Me - moving like a turtle. How could I pass around the drinks and the cakes?"

A Special Treat for Gram Tomorrow

My grandmother plays piano, but not as much now that she's 92 and hard of hearing. Her arthritis also slows up her fingers and she gets impatient when her body won't make the music come.

But in her day she played piano at all the house parties, and my grandfather played the fiddle. Not this grandma's husband. This grandma is my mom's mom. The grandpa who played the fiddle was my dad's dad. The two of them were a duo and played the night away.

She misses those days. We often joke about finding her a man to fiddle around with. Well, probably because we just lost my dad and the idea struck my uncle that time's a-tickin', so my uncle asked two musician friends of his if they would come over to Gram's house and play for a bit with her. They'll be there tomorrow morning for about an hour or so. My uncle is going to videotape it.

Luckily I've got an appointment at the allergy clinic tomorrow morning, and when I get home they'll still be here before I head into work. My mom made Cape Breton pork pies just for the occasion (don't know why they're called that - they're little raisin tarts with maple frosting.) Should be right some fun, 'bye!