Sunday, May 20, 2007

Poetry Train Monday - 2 - The Poem of You

Here's a reworked poem that first drew breath in 1981, but which I edited this morning.

The Poem of You


I feel a poem starting in me

Silken spider trappings
Fall gently in my breast
At your soft breath

Music fine and clean
Shepherd minding flocks
Stretching sky holding my world
Wide as life
Your voice tinged with morning haze
Settles itself about my tingling skin

The darkened depths
The coves and eddies
Teeming in your eyes
The secret hiss of foam
I dive and lose myself
Among the folds and swirls
Of water worlds uncharted
Ringed by stones
Alight with salt and age
Your gaze promises
The endlessness of sea

I float on the kiss
Your touch brings fanfares
Banners flying long and true
My willingness
To step outside this moment
Trampled under hooves that tear up ground

Your sighs fell the flimsy forest
Rays of warmth break through
Slanting rays shine on fern and moss
The untread ground
The magic wood
Of me

Voices whisper
Unseen hands guide my pen
Words flow over
The imagery of you

The poem of you
Dazes and stands ready


Copyright 2007 Julia Smith

11 comments:

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Wow, Julia! Another one I really like a lot and I've only read three so far today!

I love the concept, the execution, and the imagery. Nice job!!

Akelamalu said...

Your gaze promises
The endlessness of sea


How beautiful.

RED GARNIER said...

Voices whisper
Unseen hands guide my pen
Words flow over
The imagery of you


LOVED THAT! Awesome poem!

Lillian Feisty said...

Gorgeous! Awesome job!

Christine said...

Man...I can never participate in the Poetry train again. Excellent job!

Anna J. Evans said...

This was so so good. I, like Christine, feel unworthy, lol.

Thanks for sharing this!

Anna J. Evans

Rhian / Crowwoman said...

that was wonderful! i adored: "I dive and lose myself / Among the folds and swirls / Of water worlds uncharted"

Hope you don't mind but i'm adding your link on my post!

Christine said...

So many fine lines in this poem, I especially like:

Your voice tinged with morning haze
Settles itself about my tingling skin

I would love to see what the poem looked like in 1981 and the changes you made. I never let my words just be, I am constantly tweaking . . .

Have a great Monday evening!

Rinda Elliott said...

This is incredible. There is a lot of poetic talent floating around our fictional prose world.

Thanks for sharing this with us. :)

julia said...

Rinda, welcome!

Christine/Xine, I'll just say that the 1981 version was about eight times as long, though it really said the same thing. Lots of playing with language that ultimately wasn't necessary. When I had a look at it last week, I laughed at first and then recognized a real poem in there, asking to be let out.

RUTH said...

Beautiful words. Thanks for your visit to my blog...and although somewhat belated my condolences to you and your family.