Here's a reworked poem that first drew breath in 1981, but which I edited this morning.
The Poem of You
I feel a poem starting in me
Silken spider trappings
Fall gently in my breast
At your soft breath
Music fine and clean
Shepherd minding flocks
Stretching sky holding my world
Wide as life
Your voice tinged with morning haze
Settles itself about my tingling skin
The darkened depths
The coves and eddies
Teeming in your eyes
The secret hiss of foam
I dive and lose myself
Among the folds and swirls
Of water worlds uncharted
Ringed by stones
Alight with salt and age
Your gaze promises
The endlessness of sea
I float on the kiss
Your touch brings fanfares
Banners flying long and true
My willingness
To step outside this moment
Trampled under hooves that tear up ground
Your sighs fell the flimsy forest
Rays of warmth break through
Slanting rays shine on fern and moss
The untread ground
The magic wood
Of me
Voices whisper
Unseen hands guide my pen
Words flow over
The imagery of you
The poem of you
Dazes and stands ready
Copyright 2007 Julia Smith
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Poetry Train Monday - 2 - The Poem of You
Posted by Julia Phillips Smith at 4:42 PM
Labels: Poem, The Poem of You
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11 comments:
Wow, Julia! Another one I really like a lot and I've only read three so far today!
I love the concept, the execution, and the imagery. Nice job!!
Your gaze promises
The endlessness of sea
How beautiful.
Voices whisper
Unseen hands guide my pen
Words flow over
The imagery of you
LOVED THAT! Awesome poem!
Gorgeous! Awesome job!
Man...I can never participate in the Poetry train again. Excellent job!
This was so so good. I, like Christine, feel unworthy, lol.
Thanks for sharing this!
Anna J. Evans
that was wonderful! i adored: "I dive and lose myself / Among the folds and swirls / Of water worlds uncharted"
Hope you don't mind but i'm adding your link on my post!
So many fine lines in this poem, I especially like:
Your voice tinged with morning haze
Settles itself about my tingling skin
I would love to see what the poem looked like in 1981 and the changes you made. I never let my words just be, I am constantly tweaking . . .
Have a great Monday evening!
This is incredible. There is a lot of poetic talent floating around our fictional prose world.
Thanks for sharing this with us. :)
Rinda, welcome!
Christine/Xine, I'll just say that the 1981 version was about eight times as long, though it really said the same thing. Lots of playing with language that ultimately wasn't necessary. When I had a look at it last week, I laughed at first and then recognized a real poem in there, asking to be let out.
Beautiful words. Thanks for your visit to my blog...and although somewhat belated my condolences to you and your family.
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