A to Z Blog Challenge -- X is for our Xanadu Pleasuredome Travelling Sisterhood of Forever Friends

Welcome to Day 24 of this year's A to Z Blog Challenge where --
   

  

X is for our Xanadu Pleasuredome Travelling Sisterhood of Forever Friends

In the 13th century, Mongol ruler Kublai Khan held court at a summer palace in Xanadu, the Mongolian name for modern-day Dolon Nor. When Marco Polo wrote about his visit to Xanadu, he mentioned the "Palace built of cane...It is gilt all over, and most elaborately finished inside...The construction of the Palace is so devised that it can be taken down and put up again with great celerity." 

Fast forward six centuries, and poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge based his Romantic-era unfinished piece Kubla Khan, or A Vision in a Dream, A Fragment upon Samuel Purchas' account of Xanadu, itself based upon Marco Polo's writings:

"In Xanadu did Kubla Khan

A stately pleasuredome decree"

In modern-day popular culture, Xanadu is synonymous with Utopian splendour. Knowing that the original palace in Kublai Khan's Xanadu was a temporary construction to house his court brings me to my high school friends Dawn, Maureen and Shelley, and our four-decades-long friendship.

photo by Maureen Kemp

We met in the late 1970s when we all sang in our high school choir. At that time, our student population was large enough to require a row of portable classrooms running alongside the back of the main building, including our beloved music portable where we basically spent all of our time.

This is a shot of a typical gathering of music students enjoying some early summer sunshine just outside the portable, likely during our lunch break. The four of us are in the top right of the shot: In red, Mark, then Alanna, Shelley, Maureen, Dawn and me.

photo by Maureen Kemp

Even the portable is now dismantled. Our creative haven, where we rehearsed for choir performances and musicals, attended music classes and chilled out if the space was free is now an empty spot of asphalt behind the high school.

L to R, above: Dawn, Alanna, Michael (standing,) Mark (seated,) me and Shelley

Yet the bonds we forged during those years held us close, through those initial flying-the-nest university years when we scattered across North America, when our trips home at holiday times meant the first of our travelling pleasuredome constructions.

In picture above: Maureen at left, middle row / Shelley at center, bottom row / me beside Shelley, second from right, bottom row

Just like the Kublai Khan's transportable summer palace, we made our joys whenever we found ourselves together at a crossroads in our various life paths.

Through many moves to many cities between the four of us, now settled into two of us on the east coast (Shelley and myself) and two on the west coast (Dawn and Maureen,) we've nevertheless managed to attend each other's weddings whenever possible, welcome children and celebrate many life milestones together. 

Something that we do every now and then is organize a Girls' Overnight if we all four happen to be in the same place at the same time.

photos by Maureen Kemp

This was one of those overnights at a Halifax hotel. They always begin with a dinner out at a restaurant where we catch up and talk and laugh.

photo by Maureen Kemp

Toasting to our Xanadu with my former dance partner Dawn.

L to R: Dawn, me and Alanna in a can-can performance at the end-of-the-year variety show the music students used to produce ourselves, June 1981

Nowadays, the kids are starting to graduate university. That's me sitting beside Maureen's daughter at one of the get-together dinners, also including Shelley's longtime friend Krista.

photo by Maureen Kemp

This year we've been celebrating 50th birthdays. Happy Birthday, Shelley!

And last year, a 50th anniversary with Dawn's parents.

When I launched my debut novel in 2011, Shelley was there to celebrate with me. It's now been re-launched as Vampires, Saints and Lovers.

In our four decades together, we have sometimes come together in order to bid farewell to departing family members. At those times, it has been a source of strength to sit shoulder to shoulder as we shed our tears.

photo by Maureen Kemp

Most of the time, we set up our pleasuredomes to celebrate those moments when our paths cross and our smiles provide the pillars for the palace.    

A to Z Blog Challenge -- S is for My Sister, Michelle

Welcome to Day 19 of this year's A to Z Blog Challenge where --
   

  

S is for my Sister, Michelle

That's my mom holding onto Michelle while we all rode the merry-go-round on Boblo Island in the late 60s.

With three-and-a-half years between us, it wasn't hard to launch a friendship with my sister. It has been the constant heartbeat woven through all the moments of my life.

That's Michelle and me, helping my dad to celebrate his birthday in the mid-70s. The little Michigan girls were now Maritimers, living on Canada's east coast. Through grand moving-house adventures to cozying up for bedtime stories, we've greeted life together -- sharing our dreams, our worries, so many giggles and endless supplies of hugs.

My sister Michelle has been at the scene of dreams-coming-true moments for as long as I've been having them.

When I married Brad, Michelle was there beside me -- here she dances during the reception with my best friend and matron of honor Connie, our Uncle Louie and our Aunt Louise, with our Aunt Loretta in the background at left.

When Michelle married Newt, where would I be, but beside her -- Connie too, of course.

As I mentioned in my 'R' post yesterday, Michelle and my husband Brad were there for me, every step of the way as I did my film degree at Ryerson University in Toronto in the early 90s. Michelle not only acted in several of my student films, she did hair-and-makeup, did craft services (or on-set catering,) provided transportation, turned her car into a trucking dolly shot, helped secure an important location for my fourth-year shoot and did countless production assistant jobs.

Whether it's holding a casual get-together following our mom's art show in Toronto in 2000 (that's Mom at lower left, and my sister at top right) --

 -- or attending my debut book launch in Halifax in 2011 (with Michelle at center, our cousin Julianne at right) --

-- whether it's meeting our teenage heartthrob Leslie McKeown from the Bay City Rollers -- 

-- or strolling through Central Park on our way to see the American Ballet Theatre at Lincoln Center --

So many dreams really have come true for both of us, and who better to savour such sweetness than with my sister?

A to Z Blog Challenge -- N is for my dad, Norman

Welcome to Day 14 of this year's A to Z Blog Challenge.
   
When I was a kid in the 60s, it was still common for fathers to be remote figures to their children. They worked long hours, were still expected to be somewhat scary authority figures and good for providing financial stability to the family.

Yet, were dads thought of as friends back when I was growing up?

For Day 14 --
  
  

N is for my dad, Norman

In the 60s, my dad was already settling into the role that modern dads wear easily.

He shared housework with my mom, our family made democratic decisions, and he forged a true friendship with both of his daughters as well as being a father we could count upon.

He was not a dad who missed our school concerts and plays, even though he had his own scuba diving shop and later sold cars. I always remember him prowling quietly along the edges of auditoriums with his camera, taking lots of pictures -- rather like I do, now.

He stood in the damp cold during my final year film shoot for Ryerson, pitching in as both a boom operator and an extra.

But the thing that stays with me as a part of me, deep and solid, is the way he held my hand as he walked me down the aisle.

Here's a poem I wrote for my dad which he kept with him since he first read it. He passed away the same year I started this blog -- in fact his passing was the launch pad for both my blog and my eventual publication.

When I Remember My Dad 

Even as a girl I knew my friendship with my dad wasn't that common. Not when I heard my childhood friends describing their home life, and later when I encountered examples of typical father-daughter relationships in books, TV shows and films.

It makes me happy that societal shifts have moved more father-daughter relationships into the kind of friendship my dad and I treasured. For those who insist that parents shouldn't be friends to their children, as a former day care worker and nanny, I too understand the need for clear boundaries for kids, for parents to provide authority along with basic safety, shelter and security.

However, my dad was my first male friend, which led to a lifetime of having many male friendships that had nothing to do with romance -- only enjoying the commaraderie of men.

He could not have given me a more important gift.

A to Z Blog Challenge -- M is for Mary

Welcome to Day 13 of this year's A to Z Blog Challenge.
   
It's not often that a person can say they've been lucky enough to have a lifelong friend who isn't also a sibling or a cousin. Yet it happens sometimes, and today I'd like to introduce you to mine.

For Day 13 --
  
  

M is for Mary

I remember the moment we met. I was three years old. It was summer, so Mary was already four.

She and our little neighbor Johnny Michael were on the sidewalk at the bottom of our driveway. I ran down the double cement paver tracks with grass in between, and we stood gazing at one another for a few moments.

Then I said, "I'm Julia. Want to play?"

 Ha Ha Ha! And the rest is history.

That's Mary in her purple dress at the center of the photo, with me in green as the little birthday girl later that year. That's Johnny Michael sitting to my right.

When I stood in line outside of my kindergarten class for my first day of school, Mary was there beside me. Both of us styling in plaid skirts, might I add.

Mary came with us when my family visited the Detroit Zoo in the late 60s (we lived in Royal Oak, a suburb of Detroit.)

I went places with Mary's family. We ate meals at one another's houses, swam in each other's backyard pools, even had sleepovers sometimes.

In the early 70s, when my family moved from Michigan to Nova Scotia (where my ancestors had lived for three centuries -- a homecoming for my mom, a new adventure for my dad, my sister and me) Mary and I began writing to one another in the days before social media.

Our little girlish letters crossed the border with all of our news and dreams and longing for one another. Luckily for us, my family travelled back to Michigan often to visit family and friends. Every time we were in Michigan, the little friends had their delighted reunion. Hugs, laughter and the feeling that no time had passed since the last time we sat and talked together.

Eventually, Mary made a few trips to the east coast to visit us in Nova Scotia. The photo above is from her first trip here in the late 70s. That's Peggy's Cove in the background, one of my favorite spots on earth.

This photo was taken on a trip my sister and I made to Michigan on our own in 1985. Michelle and I went with Mary to Bob-Lo Island for a great day of going on rides, strolling, talking and just being together.

The very next year I moved to Toronto, which meant I was only a few hours away by train from my Mary! She came to see me in my new city, but most of the time I went to Michigan because I could also see my aunts, uncles, cousins and one set of grandparents.

This is one of those visits, when Mary was making preparations for her wedding to Chris, with the adorable Sampson on her lap. I have a whole album of Mary's wedding photos but they must be in one of those 'safe' spots that are so safe you can't find them.

My dad, my sister and my fiance Brad all joined me to celebrate the beginning of Mary's life with Chris.

Before too long, Mary switched roles and stood with me at my wedding to Brad. We actually got married in Michigan, since it was wasn't too far for the Toronto people to travel, while my Nova Scotia family and friends all bunked in together at a motel and had a great time. 

By then I was doing my film degree at Ryerson in Toronto, while Mary had started her family. Our visits became less frequent, but the letter writing and phone calls continued.

After I finished university and moved back to Nova Scotia, Mary began the great adventure of homeschooling her three boys.

But when Mom and I took the train from Halifax to Toronto for Mom's art show at the Hummingbird Centre Gallery in support of the National Ballet of Canada in 2000, Mary and Chris were there (at center below) along with our Toronto friends and family, and of course my Michigan aunt and uncle.

That's the thing about a lifelong friend. She is always there. Whether or not I can reach out and touch her, she touches me from that space she always inhabits inside my heart.

This was taken at the party my sister and her roommate-and-friend threw for Mom after the art show opening night. Back row, L to R: my husband's 'attendant of honor' and acting school friend Andrea, me, Mary and my sister Michelle / Front row, L to R: Mom; yesterday's Day 12 Blog Challenge post subject Lisa; and my usher staff friend from my decade at the Hummingbird Centre, Jacquie.

Mary called me on the phone a few weeks ago.

As soon as I heard her voice, any time that had passed since I last heard it instantly melted away and we were laughing and talking and once again delighting in each other's company.

That's the way it is with lifelong friends. She inhabits all the moments we've shared together, all the moments we've thought about one another, all the moments -- whether we're in the same space or whether we simply carry one another in our smiles.