Friday, July 24, 2009

The Queen's Meme - Mission Impossible

Mission Impossible Meme

In honor of the 40th anniversary of the Moon Landing

1. You are a guest on the space shuttle. You just arrived on the moon and realize you forgot something back home that you can't live without. What is it and how do you convince them to go back and fetch it?

My asthma puffers! Definitely can't live without them. When one of the astronauts cracks a really dark joke, I start laughing uncontrollably. This leads to much wheezing, tears and clutching at my throat - while still laughing. That's when the missing puffers are discovered. Or rather, not discovered. Luckily, the astronauts are a bunch of smarty-pants people. They rig up some concoction or other, and in ten minutes or so the wheezing settles down.

But then the same guy cracks another joke...

2. Pretend you are a teacher in a rough public school for one day. You have been assigned to teach Manners 101. You have the "challenging bad butt kids" class (remember this is a pretend school and anyway I can't say ass on my blog 'cause it's so unQueenly and I might get fined or something). They are jumping up and down, cursing, and throwing things at you.
What is the first thing you would write on the board?

First, I would use my Scorpio Dragon Death Glare to freeze all the rowdies in their tracks. This is the greatest weapon in my personal arsenal. I've used it my whole life, and it never lets me down.

Next I would invite whomever was willing to admit they didn't know the answer to my question to write the answer on the board, once we reviewed it in class. This would hopefully keep the disrupters from wanting to advertise their inadequacies. And for students truly interested in learning, it would facilitate discussion and push everyone a little farther along the learning curve.

3. Someone in your family or a friend has started a blog. They think it is anonymous but you have figured it out. They are saying derogatory things about you. Do you tell them or do you read it for awhile? How would you handle it?

I read it, comment under a different name and wait. Wait for that perfect moment - perhaps a gathering of peers - to mention a tidbit along with my incognito name that only the offending blogger would recognize. Then I watch the blogger's skin go pasty pale.

4. If you had one dollar left in your pocket, what would you spend it on?

A coffee. I often spend my last dollar on coffee. That's how I know.

5. President Obama and the First Lady are coming over for dinner. What do you serve?

Once they arrive, I tell them to pile back into their limo. We're heading out to The Sou'Wester out at Peggy's Cove for fish and chips and gingerbread.

6. You walk in on your lover. He or she is trying on your clothes. What do you do?

I tell him he looks very fetching.

Then I join him, and we goof around until the clothes come back off again...

7. Every astronaut must have shots! Choose your vaccination: You only get one and you can't enjoy any of the attributes of the other choices. You choose either:
(1) The fountain of eternal youth and sexual vigor but only for 10 years
(2) perfect health for a lifetime
(3) eternal mind-numbing nirvana and peace of mind
(4) unlimited hedonism for one year with no negative consequences.

Perfect health for a lifetime sounds awfully good to me, right about now (reaching for my painkiller...)

Luckily, I've got another acupuncture session tomorrow. A really intense weather system rumbling through has finally worn me down, migraine-wise - but it took a whole week. I've been abnormally able to withstand a really bad week with low pressure systems socking us in.

But I do have to sigh with relief that it's Friday.

To play along, visit Mimi at The Queen's Meme.

Mimi Lenox says "The astronauts are a bunch of smarty-pants people" cracked me up.

Ms Snarky Pants says Muhaha Your brand of evil payback. It warms my heart. :D

Dorte H says Hilarious answers! LOL I liked the one about the unruly kids.


Mimi Lenox said...

Ha! Very clever.

"The astronauts are a bunch of smarty-pants people" cracked me up.
I would like to borrow your Death Glare. Yes?
Your answer to #3 is calculatingly brilliant!
#6 - I love it! Playing dress up with your lover. Perfect.
Sorry about your migraine. I have them too but I don't think I could tolerate acupuncture. Ouch.

Thank you for playing! Wonderful answers and photos.

MsSnarkyPants said...

You know, Julia. Your answer to number three makes me adore you all the more. Muhaha Your brand of evil payback. It warms my heart. :D

Travis said...

I have to get this done before the next meme release!

Dorte H said...

Hilarious answers! LOL

I liked the one about the unruly kids. Once I banged a pointer down on my desk to make my students shut up. I never had to do that again :D

Julia Smith said...

Mimi - Acupuncture is rather like having a pain appointment for an hour - for me, at least. Some of the spots she activates are obviously problem spots, and when she twirls the needles to 'stir the pot', it's not that much fun. But living with chronic pain makes me shrug and say, 'What the hey?' An hour of intense non-fun has altered my life completely. In a dance-and-sing-across-the-earth way.

Ms Snarky Pants - (tee hee)

Travis - Look how long it took me to post this!

Dorte - I used to work with pre-schoolers, and I was a student teacher at a day care where the master teacher was incredible with the unruly kids. They all behaved for her and there was never any shouting. She was an Alpha figure and that was that. A great person for me to learn from.

M. said...

If we ever meet IRL I'll be temtped to do something irritating just to have a chance to see what your Scorpio Dragon Death Glare looks like!

Julia Smith said...

M - I hope it's not too long before we meet IRL! And I hope you don't get the Death Glare. I'm a very mellow person, and I have to be enraged to give the Glare. The times I've given it, the person I'm looking at generally has a weird expression on his or her face - as if I've just grown snakes out of my head.