Thursday, April 19, 2007

Thursday Thirteen - 2 - 13 Reasons I Hate To Cook

My mom came up with this one, after patiently listening to me tell her about my blogging escapades when she is A) not patient and B) not interested in anything to do with computers. Also, she is right on the money with today's Thursday Thirteen:

1 - I hate to cook because there is no room in my precious grey matter for a recipe file. It's too busy thinking about my plot threads and characters. This doesn't stop people from launching into a recipe when I compliment them on how delicious their hors dourve or entree or dessert tastes. It doesn't get saved onto my mental hard drive, unfortunately.

2 - I shudder if I have to look at raw meat. Even pictures of meat in store fliers.

3 - Handling raw meat gives me post traumatic stress disorder.

4 - The smell of meat cooking gives my stomach the heebie jeebies.

5 - The soul-crushing tedium of the peeling.

6 - The mind-shrivelling boredom of the chopping.

7 - My sore back. Counter heights are always too high for me. I'd need custom-made countertops for peeling and chopping to be comfortable for my back. But don't you have to love cooking to want custom-made countertops?

8 - The hurry-scurry of timing out multiple items cooking in multiple pans. Always puts me in a cranky mood.

9 - The sight of congealed grease set aside after cooking can make me wish I was a Stephen Hawking-like physicist, having discovered practical applications for wormhole time travel, so I could return to a moment just before I had seen the congealed grease.

10 - I despise without reservation having to clean any pan with meat grease in it.

11 - I always think everyone else's versions of favorite dishes taste better than how I make it. Real cooks always think that nothing tastes as good as their version.

12 - If I cook, then I can't go out for dinner, one of my all-time favorite things to do.

13 - Cooking may have a genetic factor. Most people in my family are absolutely fantastic cooks who get all dreamy just thinking about cooking. I'm certain everything about my relationship with cooking will be explained at some later date when the cooking genome is identified, and my bloodwork will show I was born without it.

8 comments:

Christine said...

I love to cook...but I love it when my husband cooks for me. Now, baking, I'm all over that. I love to bake, love everything about it in fact.

*drools over the thought of cookies*

Annie Mac said...

I love to eat - not so much the cooking I think it's like gardening, I want to like it because I like the result but there are just so many other things I'd rather be doing.

One of my daughters is a vegetarian and the other daughter just hates everything - not much fun cooking for them.

I don't like to touch raw meat so I buy it all precut then I can just throw it in from the package. Also have it very lean so no greasy aftermath.

Carmen said...

I hate to cook because I don't like wasting the food (it's just me) and I hate the cleaning up. :)

La Espia T. said...

"the soul-crushing tedium of the peeling"
EXACTLY!!! Dear God, I was always the designated "peeler" in my house growing up. Actually, I was given any kitchen job my mother hated. Cheese grating was another one. Ugh.

julia said...

Carmen and la espia t., welcome!

Christine, I always got a big charge out of a woman at my former office who didn't eat too many sweets but loved to bake. She always brought in her treats to us because I guess after she had one bite she didn't want it in the house.

Annie mac, it seems to me that all of the things I'd rather be doing never include Domestic Diva passtimes. Such is my fate.

Carmen, my mom hates to eat leftovers but doesn't know how to cook for two (herself and my grandma.) Imagine what would happen if my husband and I didn't eat up all of that yumminess. It boggles the mind.

la espis t., I asked my grandma about her girlhood chores, and she could remember one of her sisters hating to peel and chop, but couldn't remember her own kitchen job. Since my gram grew up loving to cook, she probably can't recall any part of cooking as anything but a joy. Bizarre but true.

Shelley said...

Yes - going out beats cooking any day! Julia - I can't get in touch with you but let's go out and eat soon!!!

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Around here, the Tour Manager cooks and I bake. He says it relaxes him; on the few times when I DO get to cook, I sort of see his point.

Sort of.

Happy TT!

Lord Floppington said...

Loved your comment about the counters being too high. I usually end up suffering because they're too low!

But who am I kidding? I love eating out!